17. Big Breaths & Bold Moves - Using Your Mind To Create Radical Change

Adrienne Garland (0:10): Welcome to Sugar Coated. I'm your host, Adrienne Garland, the CEO and founder of She Leads Media. For far too long, women have been conditioned to sugarcoat their words, their actions, and the way they show up in the world and to conform to certain cultural norms and ideals. This is inherently designed to keep those who are outside of the norm from gaining power, prestige, wealth, and influence, preventing more women from being recognized and respected as the powerful leaders that we truly are. Join me each week as we dive into raw conversations with remarkable, uncompromising, and inspirational women that will encourage you to strip away your sugar coating and move boldly in the direction of your magnificent dreams.

Adrienne Garland (1:02): Hi, everybody. This is Adrienne Garland, and welcome to Sugar Coat It. Today, I'm going to be doing a solo episode. And when this comes out, it will be July 3. So just before Independence Day.

Adrienne Garland (1:20): And, you know, thinking about what that means is kinda heavy right now. And I just wanted to explore some of the things that I was thinking about on, you know, as we go into the halfway point of the year, Independence Day, everything that's going on. And then also going a little bit deep into the exploration of my mind and my thinking. So the reason that I wanted to do this episode is because I've been doing a ton of self work. And that comes in the form of listening to other podcasts, and other experts who I am picking and pulling some incredible tools and resources, and I'm applying them to myself.

Adrienne Garland (2:09): I think it is absolutely fascinating to be able to sort of step outside of your mind and really take a look at what you're thinking. I'm specifically referring to a podcast that I listen to. It's called the Life Coach School. And the host of the, show, her name is Brooke Castillo. Brooke also runs a coaching program where you can become a certified life coach.

Adrienne Garland (2:38): And she also runs a program called self coaching scholars. Now I'm a member of self coaching scholars. And so I have gotten all of these resources on the this thing that she uses called the model. And the model is designed to really help you to get your thoughts out on paper so that you can take a look at them and then work them through this thing that she calls the model. And it's really interesting.

Adrienne Garland (3:10): And I think in order to get the greatest benefit out of it, you definitely need to be part of this self coaching scholars and ask a lot of questions because it's complicated. And, you know, we have not been taught to think along the lines that Brooke lays out for you. So I'll just tell you what I know of it so far and sort of how it's helping me. So the model has these different buckets, I guess you could call it. And she calls them the lines, you know, the lines.

Adrienne Garland (3:45): So it's c t f a r. And the c stands for circumstances. The t stands for thoughts. The f stands for feelings. The a stands for action, and the r stands for results.

Adrienne Garland (4:05): So basically, what this model does is you can sort of put down the things that you're thinking and then work everything else out through the model to see how your thoughts drive your feelings, what you feel drives your actions. And then the actions that you take literally, you know, drive the results that you get. And to me, when I sort of first learned about the model, was like, that's brilliant because it's true. It's like if we're not getting the results in our lives that we want, we need to change something. But oftentimes we don't know what it is that we need to change.

Adrienne Garland (4:42): And I think a lot of us think, well, I need to change my circumstances. But what I've realized over the course of you know, working the model and doing this on myself, I've realized that circumstances, they don't matter. They're they're neutral. It's what we think about those circumstances and how we feel about our thoughts that drive the things that we do and the actions that we take. And the actions that we take directly impact the results that we get, you know, whether that's positive or negative.

Adrienne Garland (5:19): So to me, the model is like, you know, it's this huge epiphany. I wish I had it when I was in high school. When I, I guess became aware of a lot of things, you know, when we're younger, we are so, or at least I was, you know, so driven by my feelings. And you try to, I guess, you know, Brooke uses the term buffer, like you try to buffer away your feelings and not address them and not say not be inquisitive and ask yourself, well, where are these feelings coming from? Where are these thoughts coming from?

Adrienne Garland (5:54): So this model has helped me tremendously over the past, I would say month and a half, two months. And I just wanted to let everybody know that that's what I'm doing right now. And that might not be something that's right for you. But if this, you know, sounds interesting, I just highly recommend that you check out Brooke Castillo. I was introduced to her, and I have absolutely zero affiliation with her.

Adrienne Garland (6:24): I do not know Brooke. So, you know, there's no affiliation there except for the fact that I really respect her. Another podcast that I've been listening to is Tiffany Carter, who's the host of a podcast called Project Me. And Project Me is Tiffany's business that she talks about that she had the idea for for ten years and she only recently pulled the trigger on it two years ago. And it's a lot of the same quote unquote where it's really talking about how what you think is ultimately what drives your results.

Adrienne Garland (7:08): And she's unapologetic. She and Brooke is too. I think I really resonate with people that just, you know, give it straight. And that is very much what this Sugar Coated podcast is all about too. It's saying things, it's being direct, it's not sugarcoating anything.

Adrienne Garland (7:28): And I feel so empowered. And I hesitate to use that word because I've always recoiled from it in the past because I have a I have, I guess, a thought about the word empowered is that it's oftentimes used when somebody is sort of giving you the ability to, you know, empower you. And I don't like that because it suggests that somebody has the power and they're allowing you to have it too or to take some of it. And I just don't like that whole entire concept. So but with these two podcasts that I listen to often, I do feel empowered.

Adrienne Garland (8:11): I feel confident. And I I feel like the both of them are infusing a brand of confidence into the world that I'm listening to that is really resonating with me and going deep. So Tiffany is on the younger side. She's a lot younger than I am. Brooke is more my age, although she's younger than than I am as well.

Adrienne Garland (8:36): But there are just so many things if you listen to these two podcasts and and practical advice on how to do things like what Instagram is all about, like how to use IGTV. Tiffany much more so gives these, you know, practical actionable tips on how to increase followers, how to refine your message, what to say, why to say it. She's really brilliant and super straight talking. So again, another recommendation. Not that this podcast today is another podcast recommendation podcast, but it's just I wanted to put those things out there because they have been helping me tremendously.

Adrienne Garland (9:24): One of the things that I have carried around with me for way too long is this quote unquote failure that I had. And this failure was a corporate failure. I had a job. It was a great job. I made a great deal of money.

Adrienne Garland (9:46): I worked in New York City for one of the largest, accounting firms in the world. And I ultimately was not successful in that job, and I ended up leaving. I I say that I I probably would have gotten let go. I probably would have been fired, but I didn't allow that to happen. I don't know if at that time my ego would have been able to withstand that blow.

Adrienne Garland (10:12): But what my ego has done to me and what my thoughts have done to me and the thoughts that I continue to, I think believe, you know, that was the pinnacle for me. And everything from there on out was just downhill. I have never been able to earn the type of revenue that I made when I had that salary. My business is not the wild success that I wanted it to be. And I look at that as, you know, a result.

Adrienne Garland (10:47): And when I've sort of worked through the model and put the result that I have not been able to achieve that level of revenue that I'm looking for, I work it backwards. And what just is in my face is the fact that I think that I'm a failure. You know, I I think I failed at that. And so that failure defines me. And while I don't want to think that, and I'm a super positive person, while I don't wanna think that, I was thinking that.

Adrienne Garland (11:18): I was thinking that for a lot of years, like way too many years than I even, you know, care to admit, but I will admit it. I carried those thoughts around with me for at least eight years. And while they're diminished, we're at ten years now from when I had that job. To me, that is so sad. And what I think about is that I was shaming myself and because I, you know, I didn't get that accolade.

Adrienne Garland (11:57): I didn't continue to rise through the ranks of corporate America, which is what I set out to do when I graduated from college, when I went back and I got my MBA. You know, I wanted to be the CEO of a corporation or at the very least the CMO of a really successful big company. And I would say that I was on that track when I was at this large accounting firm. And so it was like those dreams were dashed. And I did it to myself.

Adrienne Garland (12:33): So I suffered. I suffered for the last eight to ten years. We'll call it ten to just, you know, I suffered for ten years and I did it to myself. And beating myself up maybe kept me safe in that I haven't put myself out there, quote unquote, in the way that I would have if I wanted to continue on that track to be a CMO. I rejected, corporate at that time and said, I don't need you motherfuckers.

Adrienne Garland (13:12): I can do this on my own. I'm definitely a stubborn person. And I also like to, you know, make my own way and show that I don't need anybody. That is something that is a 100% left over from my childhood where I really felt like the only person that I could really count on was myself. And that's a weird thing to say out loud because my mother is so supportive of me.

Adrienne Garland (13:42): She would do anything in the world for me. I can count on her and I've always been able to count on her for literally everything. Everything from emotional support to, you know, money to friendship, everything in between. So the fact that I had this idea in my head that I had to take care of myself really came from the fact that when I was young, I was six years old, my father passed away. And it's the traumatic event of my life.

Adrienne Garland (14:14): And I don't talk about it a lot because I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Because while it's a sadness that I carry around, it's not something that defines me. It is a sadness in my life. What I saw is that my mother, you know, she stepped up to that freaking plate and hit the ball out of the park with everything that she did. So my mother took care of herself and she took care of my brother and I.

Adrienne Garland (14:46): And I admire that beyond words. So I think what I've tried to do is model that in my own life and say, you know, I don't need somebody else to support me. I will do everything that I can in order to support myself because life is uncertain, and you cannot put all of your eggs in one basket. You cannot rely on somebody because anything could happen at any moment and you always need to, you know, be there for yourself. You always have to have your own back.

Adrienne Garland (15:29): And so when this situation happened at PricewaterhouseCoopers, PwC, when the situation happened at PwC, I said, you know, fuck you. I don't need you. I can do this on my own. And that is really where, you know, She Leads Media was born. It was born out of, I think maybe a place of negativity.

Adrienne Garland (15:54): Right? It was born out of, I don't need you to support me. I can do this on my own. Fuck all of you. It was angry.

Adrienne Garland (16:04): It was from a place of anger. And I'm not saying that has permeated She Leads Media because I think She Leads Media is a beautiful platform that is super positive, inspiring, action oriented. But that is where it was born from. And I don't have those same type of angry feelings anymore. For me, She Leads Media and the She Leads Media platform and the She Leads Podcast Network and all the women that are on it are really committed to helping to promote women's voices, thoughts, opinions, help us to launch businesses, help us to have incredible mindsets so that we can live extraordinary lives.

Adrienne Garland (16:49): And that's what it's all about. But what I realized is that if I don't give that type of energy and attention to everything that She Leads Media is, it's actually not going to achieve the level of financial success that I know that it can. So like I said, for the past ten years, I've been sort of having this negative failure mindset. And even though I have done a lot of things, I've attended classes, I went through the Goldman Sachs 10,000 small businesses program. I've coached with my idol, Eleanor Beaton, who is so freaking fabulous.

Adrienne Garland (17:32): She also is a podcast host. Her podcast was called Fierce Feminine Leadership, and please forgive me. She changed the name of her podcast. But it's Eleanor Beaton if you wanna check her out. She has an incredible program, and I absolutely adore this woman.

Adrienne Garland (17:49): She is also a humongous part of why I feel like in such a a much better place mentally. But She Leads Media cannot be successful if the founder and CEO feels like a failure. That's an epiphany. Something that I didn't even realize that was permeating what I was doing. So I've now realized that that is what was permeating, what was going on.

Adrienne Garland (18:22): And I now choose to have much different feelings about She Leads Media, about the She Leads Podcast Network, and everything else that we're launching and people that we're partnering with. So that's sort of where my head is, and I'm feeling in such a better place. And I wanna tell you a really quick, quick story. So this morning, I took my dog for a little walk and I can't see my phone unless I have reader glasses on. And my dog has destroyed several pairs of glasses.

Adrienne Garland (19:00): I've lost glasses that I've paid $800 for. I lost two pairs of them. So I said, I'm never buying nice glasses again. I'll just order a couple from, you know, different places that are sort of fashionable and and do the reading job that I need to do. So anyway, I put this pair of glasses that are nice and new and they block the blue light from the computer.

Adrienne Garland (19:25): I put them in a pocket and I have this little skirt that has pockets on the side of it. I put my glasses in there and I took my dog for a walk and I talked to a couple of people that I know along the way. And when I got home, I realized that my glasses weren't in the pocket anymore. And so what I did is I went back out and I literally retraced the whole entire walk that I had gone on with my dog. And when I go on a walk with my dog, I do not go on a walk down the block and up.

Adrienne Garland (19:52): I go down the hill, past the water, up these crazy ass stairs that you can't breathe when you get to the top. And then when you get to the top, there is another hill. So when you get to the top of that hill, you feel like dying. And then it's flat from there. So I retraced all the steps and I asked people at the beach, did you see my glasses?

Adrienne Garland (20:13): Nobody saw anything. And so I lost my glasses. And as I was walking up the hill, I wanted to get through this second part of my walk really fast because I have a lot of work to do. So as I was walking, was like when I reached the top of the stairs and then I knew I had that other big hill in front of me, I said, gosh, like, I'm gonna have to stop halfway up this hill to catch my breath because this is hard and it's hot out. You know, I'm in New York.

Adrienne Garland (20:42): I'm in Long Island. And so as I was walking up and I was in the middle of the hill, one part of me said like, it's okay to stop and take a deep breath, Adrianne. And then the other part of me said, breathe deeper. Don't slow down. And I thought, where did that thought come from?

Adrienne Garland (21:03): Because that is not a typical thought that I have. So I said, okay, it's not that far up to the top. Let me just take a really deep breath, like down to like the tops of my legs. Like that's how deep I breathed. And I took that breath and I didn't slow down at all.

Adrienne Garland (21:30): And I got to the top of that hill with no problem. And so I crossed the street and I had another thought. And that thought was like, man, I need these glasses to see clearly, but the clarity that I've just gotten is so much more deep than seeing things clearly with my glasses. The clarity was that I don't need to slow down. I don't need to stop when things get hard.

Adrienne Garland (22:05): I just need to take a deeper breath and know that I've got what it takes inside of me. And then I thought, this is why I came on this second walk. I literally walked the same exact steps that I had walked with my dog. And I sort of did it better if you will. And even though I was looking for one thing, I found something that was so much more profound.

Adrienne Garland (22:38): If what I'm saying is resonating with you in any way, I would love for you to take a screenshot of this episode and tag me on Instagram at sheleadsmedia. And tell me what are some of the things in your life that you think are are stories that you've been telling yourself that have really been holding you back from the results that you wanna get. I would love it if you could also go and provide a review on iTunes for the Sugar Coated podcast. And the reason that I'm asking for this, and it feels really uncomfortable. I don't know if you can hear it in my voice, but I can feel it in my chest.

Adrienne Garland (23:23): The reason that I am asking for you to do this for me is because the more popular that the sugarcoated podcast can be and the more popular that the other shows that are on the She Leads Podcast Network can be, the more women can be out in the world showing other women that success, financial success, independence, it's all so possible. We really need to put ourselves out there so that other people can see what we can be. And that is true independence. Have a beautiful day, and please give us a review. Thank you so much.

Unknown Speaker (24:19): This is the She Leads Podcast Network.