Feb. 26, 2020

1 - Why You Aren't Achieving Your Goals

1 - Why You Aren't Achieving Your Goals

In today’s lesson I want to talk about why you’re not achieving your goals and getting the results you want. And by not achieving your goals, you’re not living the life you want.

Results are tangible. You can see the money in your bank account, fit into your ideal jean size, you have the endurance to run the race, you have a great loving relationship, it’s real.

I was reading a book on productivity and the author summed it up almost painfully clear – look at all the work you are doing, and what results are you getting? 

If you’re not getting the tangible, real-results you want, let’s look at why…

Transcript

speaker 0:   0:00
Hello. Hello. Welcome to the very first episode of Happy Productive Day I started. I decided to start the series with my husband, Douglas Robbins, because we have a truly great love and a really happy life, and we want to help others find that kind of happiness, too. Now we're calling the Siri's happy, productive for a very specific reason. Being happy is the purpose of life. Every goal when you think about it that we sat comes down to, I want to achieve it because it'll make me happy or happier. The Dalai Lama even said the purpose of our lives is to be happy, so why not just get like right to it and start with the purpose of life? Productive is defined simply as the state of producing or creating something. So what better thing to be creating that happiness in her life, thus happy, productive? I'm also the founder of Best Planner ever, which is the daily planners, of course, productivity. It means a lot to me now. Happy but of productivity doesn't mean having a bigger to do list or more goals or working harder. In fact, it's the opposite. It's about getting clear on who you are, what you want your life to be, and then taking inspired actions each day to fulfill that purpose. It doesn't matter if your purpose is to grow a multimillion dollar business or Ray's amazing kids, like both are valid. And if you want to do both even better, it on Lee matters that you discover what will make you happy and then start doing it. Our goal with these episodes is to provide you with real coaching on the real problems you face every day. The foreman is designed to be short and simple, never overwhelming. I absolutely love personal growth programs. I'm always doing one, but sometimes the amount of content that they throw at you can feel like drinking from a fire hose. You're probably already a busy person, so the idea of adding more to your play it can cause some resistance, right? I don't want to do that. We don't want that Happy Productive is about simplifying and getting clear, not complicating, it's about taking one small step together. Those tiny changes over time add up to extraordinary results in today's lesson. I want to talk to you about why you're not achieving your goals and getting the results that you want. Am I not achieving your goals? What's happening? You're not necessarily living that ideal life that you really want, so results are tangible, right? You can see the money in your bank account. You can fit into that ideal jean size. You have the endurance to run that race. You have a great loving relationship. It's rial. I was reading a book on productivity, and the author summed it up almost like, painfully clear for me. Look at all the work that you're doing. And what results are you getting? Ah, if you have to really look at that, if you're not getting the tangible riel results you want, then let's look at why. So here's how life works. We all have core beliefs. They're either disempowering or empowering. So disempower move believes would be things like, I am an adequate I'm ineffective. I'm powerless. I don't deserve happiness. I'm unlovable. People are untrustworthy, the world is not safe. They can feel awful and we carry them around often without even knowing. Then we have empowering beliefs such as I am enough. I deserved everything life has to offer. I'm worthy of love. Life is beautiful. People are good. I'm the author of my life. I can make a difference. Those feel really good and they connect us to our personal power. But why is this important? Because believes, determine how we think and feel how we think and feel determines the actions that we take. Actions determine our results. So let's say that you have a believe that you're an athlete, Okay? It's your identity. It's who you are. You're gonna think like an athlete. Feel like an athlete. Take the actions an athlete would take and get the results of an athlete. If you have the belief, no matter what I do, I'll never have the body I want. This is your thinking, and it probably makes you feel angry or frustrated or like, Why bother? So you're much more likely not to care about what you're eating if you're exercising and the results will be right, never having the body you want. It's not that you can't have the body you want. You absolutely can. But there's a limiting belief in there holding you back from the actions that would lead you to success. If you've ever experienced this. You know exactly what I'm talking about. And it isn't any fun. Most people try to meet their goals with being like super busy willpower and beating ourselves up. Just get out there and get busy pushed through it. Man up, woman up. Get it together, Right, Get yourself together. And by all means, action is an essential part of meeting our goals. However, if you're taking the wrong action or not taking action because of how you're thinking and feeling, you won't get the results that you really want. It just is just not the way that it works. For example, I had a belief to work hard that I had to work hard to be successful. Taking action has never really been my issue. Okay, I can work all the hours in the day, but can you start to see the problem with this? I worked really hard, meet a goal at any cost and then be left feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled. So what happens five minutes later I'd start working on another goal, hoping in the achievement of that one. I feel better and be happy. But it never happened, and it never would happen because the belief that was driving the show was I had to work hard to be successful and that only lead to burn out depression and exhaustion. Right? Plus, I sacrificed so many other areas of my life, such as health and time, with my family to meet the goal. It's really no wonder happiness was not the end result. This is really frustrating for me and it went on for years. And now in my work with clients, I see this all the time. Two people really frustrated and not meeting their goals fast enough for all the way or even not at all, or they met the goal and the still feel like crap. Now it all comes down to the same answer, which is not just good to know, but essential to your success and what I teach my coaching clients. We can't control outside circumstances. I wish we could, but we can't. We can't control other people and what they do. We can't control our past because it's already done. But what we can control is our core beliefs, right? These core beliefs, or what we think and feel we can control our actions and we can control our results. All of that is entirely within our control. So if you're tempted to think you know your victim to it and you don't have control over anything, it's really not true. You can control your beliefs, how you think, how you feel, your actions and your results. You've heard the same thoughts become things. Well, it's true. But if we go through life paying no attention to our thoughts, burying or ignoring our feelings, it's no wonder we don't take action right or we take the wrong action and end up with poor results. This is a really simple way. I love things that are super simple but really powerful, right? But this is a simple way of looking at an understanding how things work. That's totally accurate. Core beliefs, Dr Thoughts and Feelings feelings drive our action or inaction, which then determined results. The problem, however, is most of us have never been taught to look at our core beliefs. We certainly don't learn this in school or pay attention to our emotions. Instead, we learn to suck it up, deal with it, cope with it, right but not actually pay attention to it. If you want a different result in life. This is a practice we need to master, and it's called a practice right, because it takes a process. It's a process, and it takes time to get good at it. This is where meditation could be so useful because it's the practice of giving yourself space, observing your life almost like watching it on a screen so you can literally watch and pay attention to how you think. Once you start paying attention to what's going on, it could be really enlightening. But it can also be scary, because once you see what's there, you may not want to deal with it. You may want to just keep checking out, which is what most people do with food, alcohol, drugs, TV, social media and the like. However, that's not a good idea. And here's why numbing down and checking out does not lead us to the happiness, the contribution and the fulfillment that we crave. All it does is eases the pain for a very short time. Now you might be thinking, I did try or I am trying, and I still haven't gotten to where I want to be. Many people try to change aspects of their lives through force or will power. But when you do this without fully understanding the beliefs which is driving those actions, it's gonna be a lot harder instead. If you take the time to fully understand what's going on inside and get a hold of that thought feeling combination, which is driving it and then change that, the action becomes so much easier, it's almost like unwinding the hold that it has on you. This is what coaching is all about, helping you get to the core of the issue, changing your thinking and beliefs. So you feel better. You're not alone through the process, and when you feel better, you take the right actions, and from there you start to get the results you want and meet your goals. No many people hire a coach and say, Just tell me exactly what to d'oh so you do those steps and maybe they work a little or not at all, and then you say, See, coaching didn't work for me. The problem, however, is that when you look to others to tell you exactly what to do, you transfer responsibility for your own success. to another person. When it doesn't work, you get to blame them and still stay stock right. It's not my fault, which is almost certainly being driven by a limiting beliefs such as Nothing ever works for me or no matter what I do, I can't solve this problem now. It's not to say that if you Google something, you hire a coach. You work with other people that you can't get tons of useful information. You absolutely can. But it's your job to own the end result. Take responsibility for your own success and do the inner work to identify your core beliefs. Study and get curious about what you're thinking and feeling in a non judgmental way so you can address the problem of the core, do the work to understand it and then change it in a gentle, loving kind way. Once you change, the core believe action gets easier and results start to flow right. We love being in the flow. If you want to meet your goals, you must be in a place of compassion, understanding and love. You cannot struggle force or beat yourself up into change. Any results that you get will not be permanent. They will not be lasting. But you can understand your thinking. You can practice and develop this skill. It doesn't mean you have to relive the past or go to therapy. Now, if you're in your therapy in therapy and it's working, you know, stick with it. That's great. You can use this in combination with it, But you do have to know that some of your beliefs were probably picked up as a child when you could recognize and understand why you think and feel in certain ways and then practice the skill of changing it and actions and results, and meeting your goals gets easier. Yea, okay, so if you have a goal and you're not getting the result you want first take a step back, get into observer mode and start looking at your thinking and feeling around the goal. Look back and see if there are patterns that have been repeating. Sometimes even it might have been happening your entire life. Start asking yourself what's my core belief here? Be patient with the answers when they do come and they will, even if it's scary and you don't really want to deal with it. be compassionate and loving with yourself. Once you understand it, then you can change it. Core beliefs are like peeling back layers of an onion. You don't really get to the deep stuff without getting those top layers off, and we often cry peeling onions. So that's okay to remember. This is a practice. Be prepared for other layers to reveal themselves. That's our first lesson. I hope you enjoyed it. If you would like help with this, consider joining us and goal achievers. This is our coaching community, where we dive deep into a topic relevant to living a full and extraordinary life. Each month we focus on just one topic at a time, so the process isn't overwhelming and we help you take small starts, powerful steps forward towards the life of your dreams. You can let learn more at either www dot best planner ever dot com or Jennifer Dawn, coaching dot com. Thanks so much for listening. Now go out there and have a happy, productive day